Monday, August 31, 2009

I heart A&W Root Beer

It all started at about 4:30pm. I didn't get much sleep at all last night, so I was thinking it might be a good idea to head to bed. I laid down on my bed and started reading my book. Soon, I began to feel my chest getting heavier... my throat closing up... it's an asthma thing. I reached over to grab my Advair and realized I forgot to go get my asthma medicine today. CRAP!

Fortunately, it was still early so I tossed on some clothes and headed to the pharmacy. The man at the pharmacy was not friendly. But, that's another story.

Anyway, I got my Advair and started heading home. Suddenly, I was stuck by an incredible craving for A&W Root Beer.

I was not shocked. This happens a lot.

I love A&W Root Beer. I love it a lot. "I gave away my heart a long time ago. [to A&W Root Beer] My whole heart. And I never really got it back." (name that movie)

I love A&W Root Beer so much, I did something crazy.

I went to the Oneida smoke shop. On a Monday night. At five o'clock. To buy an A&W Root Beer. THAT is how bad I wanted an A&W Root Beer.

Let me explain what that all means: Here in Wisconsin, cigarette taxes have been climbing like a sexy fireman up a ladder to save a kitty from the 4th floor of a burning building. THAT's some kinda climbing! The next big hike is a $.75 jump, scheduled for Tuesday (tomorrow). Our neighbors, the Oneida Indians, they know how we like our cigarettes: cheap. And they give em to us just like we like em. Relatively speaking, anyway. So, the Oneida Smoke Shop - it's always busy place. Even more busy than usual toady.

The Oneida Smoke Shop is also a very interesting place, with very interesting people. It would be a great place to do an ethnography. But that's another story.

By Monday night, everybody's out of smokes. You see, they smoked them all over the weekend, and now they're going on nearly a full day of nicotine withdrawls. And they just got done with work. They also know that if they get their cigarettes today, they'll save $.75. This means things got a little crazy at the Oneida Smoke Shop.

I did it. I actually found a spot, parked my car, got out, walked into the store and looked in the direction of the coolers holding my precious Root Beer. Oh, my precious Root Beer. Have I told you lately how much I love you?

I'm pretty sure it winked at me.
Oh, when scrumptious creatures wink at me it turns me to putty. Pure putty.

Then, my world fell apart.

I looked to my left and there was the line of nicotine deprived patrons. This was no ordinary line. This was a week-before-Thanksgiving-at-the-grocery-store line. It was insane. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't face it. I walked out of the store (past the pregnant chick in the doorway with a shirt only covering the top half of her belly - I told you these people were interesting) feeling totally defeated.

I cried.

Fortunately, there is a grocery story right down the street and A&W Root Beer happened to be on sale. Now I have my Root Beer and I can breathe again. All is right with the world.

Good Night.

And I'm sorry if you're craving Root Beer now.

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