Some random guy: Yeah, I'm wondering if I can pick up a package.
Me (to myself): Really? At 2am? Really?
Me: Did you call and have a hold put on the package?
RG: Uhhh... no
Me (to myself): Oh, goodie! Here we go.
Me: Do you have a tracking number for the package?
RG: Uh.... no
Me: Was there a delivery attempt made on the package?
RG: Uh... not that I know of
Me: Do you know if the package was scheduled to be delivered today?
RG: Well, I ordered it from amazon the other day.
Me (to myself): OH, well in THAT case... *rolling eyes*
Me: Ok... what's your name and address?
RG: Jake, 123 Main St, Any Town
*looking up the address in dispatch, logging into every program under the sun to find it*
Me: Ok, yes, there is a package scheduled for delivery but it's being sorted in Oak Creek right now. I can put a hold in for it and you can pick it up at 9:30 this morning after we unload it.
Jake: Oh, so I can't get it any earlier?
Me: Well, it's not even here yet, and when it does get here there are thousands of packages in each trailer so it will take a bit for us to get to it. Our sort doesn't start until 5am.
Jake: Oh, well, it's golf balls and I was hoping to go golfing at 6 this morning.
Me (to myself): Did they suddenly stop selling golf balls at stores around here any nobody told me?
Me: Sorry, there's really nothing I can do to get them to you by the time you go golfing.
Jake: Ok, I guess you can just deliver them.
Me (to myself): Oh, good, cuz that's what we do here. *rolling eyes*
Me: Sorry I couldn't help you out.